Alex: Just by yourself.
Conner: “Be myself”? Alex, I have one day to win Bree’s family over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Jack: Couple weeks.
Goldilocks: Six months.
Red: Jury’s still out.
Conner: See, Alex?
Conner: “Be myself”. What kind of garbage advice is that?
Froggy: Truth or dare?
Jack: Dare.
Froggy: I dare you to kiss the prettiest person in the room.
Jack: Hey, Red?
Red, blushing: Yeah?
Jack: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Goldilocks.
Froggy: Dammit, Conner!
Conner: What?! It wasn’t me!
Froggy: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Alex!
Alex: Not me either.
Froggy: Oh…then who set Red’s castle on fire this time?
Goldilocks: *whistles*
Froggy: Why is Goldilocks so sad?
Jack: She took one of this “Which Character Are You?” quizzes.
Froggy: And…?
Jack: She got Red.
Conner: Dom or sub?
Alex: I guess Domino’s, since I don’t go to Subway that much. Don’t see why you’d put them in the same category though.
Bree: If I didn’t know better, Conner , I’d say you were scared.
Conner : Heh, scared?
*absolute silence*
Conner : DID YOU HEAR THAT?!
Red: There. How do I look?
Goldilocks: Like a cheap French harlot.
Red: French?!
Conner: This bloodline ends with me!
Alex: That’s the fanciest way I’ve ever heard someone say “I’m gay”.
Conner: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name?
Alex: Legally, I don’t believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though… I don’t know.
Conner: I believe God is on my side when it comes to Duncans’ Doughnuts.
Alex: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. “I work really hard until my inevitable death” brain. You’ve got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain’s might.
Conner: I LIKE OREOS AND P****-